The guy who gets your Grand Final ticket

0 Comments 27 September 2016

You know this guy – he’s one who  gets a ticket to the AFL Grand final while you sit at home watching it on TV. Does he deserve to be there? No. How many games has he been to this year? Probably none. Has he even heard of Marcus Bontempelli? I doubt it. Unfortunately, until […]

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smart fridge

Food, Life

2001: A Smart Fridge Odyssey

0 Comments 21 September 2016

I went for a run this morning. The details are logged on my smart watch; distance, calories burned, even my cadence. Cadence is the number of steps you take on one foot per minute whilst running – I looked it up on my smart phone last night. Really, how good is smart technology? The next […]

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Jeff’s 80s footy records

1 Comment 19 September 2016

I don’t know why I always come to Kate for help when I’m trying to de- clutter. Her advice seems to always be ‘keep it. It’s not worth anything… but it’s got sentimental value’ which leaves me with a house full of crap. What will she make of the huge pile of old footy records […]

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Food, Life

My Cafe is my temple

0 Comments 16 September 2016

Andre and I used to meet at the pub to watch sport and grunt. They were good times but now he’s only interested in meeting for coffee. We have to talk and stuff… and it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, we have to meet at a cafe. If it’s late we’ll […]

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Why it’s okay to jump on the GWS Giants

5 Comments 15 September 2016

Admit it, you were barracking for the GWS Giants on Sat in the Qualifying final against the Swannies… and you will again next weekend. You know they are antithesis of the old fashioned football club but you can’t help yourself can you? IT’S OKAY… If your team didn’t do much good this year, take some […]

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ash and camilla mkr


Being Reality TV famous

0 Comments 02 September 2016

So you want to be on the Bachelor and become famous? Maybe do a skin care commercial after the show finishes? Bag yourself a commercial radio gig?.. Well before you sign that lengthy binding contract you haven’t proof read, ask yourself: is this really what I want? I had an ex who was convinced it […]

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Actors costume cupboard


Actors and their costume cupboard

0 Comments 02 September 2016

On friday I was reading a self help book which implored me to ‘throw out anything you think you might need at some time in the future and keep only the things you need right now’. Over the weekend I started unburdening myself of piles of meaningless crap taking up room in my house… until […]

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If your 70’s parents were here now…

0 Comments 29 August 2016

I was wondering this morning how my 70’s parents would cope in current day Melbourne and I had to conclude – probably pretty well. They certainly wouldn’t look out of place. Everyone would assume they’d bought their clothes at a recycled fashion boutique on Sydney road. Their dated views on same sex marriage would certainly […]

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car being towed


Car Mechanic for Creatives

2 Comments 26 August 2016

My car broke down last night and had to get towed to the mechanic. Today I await the dreaded phone call. You know, the one where he knows he can literally quote any part of the car with a monetary value attached to it and I know I will simply pay that amount because I […]

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Changes Jeff Wortman


David Bowie’s struggles

0 Comments 05 August 2016

Tonight is the second last night of a David Bowie Theatrical Tribute Show I’ve been doing with my band Robot Child at Gasworks in Port Melbourne, called ‘Changes’. It’s been been so much fun to perform such an incredibly good (and diverse) catalogue of songs and it’s been really well received by audiences. Conceiving and […]

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Fans of Bachelor watch the show and laugh right?.. I hope so because otherwise Channel 10 is going to be responsible for spawning a generation of people with completely pretty warped expectations of dating. These people are going to feel betrayed when their first date that doesn’t finish at a romantic, candle lit table inside a […]

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