As you know readers, I love love love an awards show. For a long time I hosted my own Oscar’s parties. Sadly that tradition ended after a blow up where people WERE TALKING AND LAUGHING while I was trying to watch the bloody thing and make my ‘Hey does anyone else feel faint? I think I’m coming down with Oscar fever’ gag again. So now I watch alone. Late at night in my Kmart pyjamas and ugg boots. Now that I am marginally less shallow, I’m less interested in what the pretty people are wearing and more in their speeches. I judge their ability to speak clearly and thank their spouse BEFORE their agent as harshly as E! judges a neckline (or navel line as the case may be J-Lo!)
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are seriously the funniest women in the world and I would watch them even if they hosted Family Feud (ok yes, sometimes I say things for a cheap laugh that are clearly over the line of good taste and common sense). I thought their opening gag about Amal Alamuddin and her new beau, George Clooney, was hilarious!
The best part about the Golden Globes for me this year though was this it seemed most people had their wits about them when they won. If there’s something I can’t stand its feigned shock and surprise that goes for the first 45 seconds and then by the time they gather themselves a terrible orchestra has started and all one hears is a muddle of thanks to either Jesus or the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. If you are an accountant no one expects you to be able to make a great, amusing one minute speech to a few million people if the CPA President knocked on your door at 3am NapiSan Challenge style. However if you are an actor or even a guy that edits movies and you get INVITED to an awards night and you are NOMINATED for an award, there is a one in five chance you will WIN AN AWARD. It’s not arrogant to have a speech prepared, the universe does not know / care that you have written such a speech and will not / can not set out to jinx you for this act of hubris. If you lose, throw your speech away (or shred it if people often go through your rubbish and take photos of it for Who Weekly). Better still, use your skills and talents of oh I don’t know… ACTING and learn your speech, commit it to memory and utter it with style and good grace. That is all.