Have you been tempted by Heston Blumenthal’s overpriced sausages in our humble little supermarket chain, Coles?
I sort of fail to see the link when the actual foodstuffs are made a million miles from their alleged creators. Perhaps it is Heston’s recipe and it’s definitely his noggin on the packet but how authentic can these snags be when they’re most likely mass produced in a factory here by people whose hourly rate of pay wouldn’t quite cover a tray of these mystery bags? Here’s another mystery, what is a pepper berry?
I guess my main resistance to Heston’s culinary tomfoolery and his weird science approach to presentation are my horrible memories of Year 9 Science. Sometimes I have flashbacks to the time I had to put these blue and red balls on sticks and talk about protons or something and I physically feel sick. It’s just something that doesn’t work in my brain like how some people say ‘anythink’ and others vote for Tony Abbott.
I’m not upset about the fact that Heston’ new Melbourne Duck experience is $525 per person. Even though I worked out that is enough to buy 647 packets of Scotch Finger biscuits from ALDI or keep Keith Richards in cocaine and coconuts for about 25 minutes. I mean the debate about what rich people do with their money is boring, it’s not up to me to say what’s a waste of money and what’s not. I spend more money on coffee than most people spend on groceries every week; I’m in no position to judge. Plus one could always justify a visit to Fat Ducks as a piece of theatre or a once in a lifetime opportunity like eating that burger at KFC where the bun is also made up of chicken! And let’s face it, even flying Malaysian Airlines; it’s cheaper than flying to the UK to Duck it up over there.
So why the disinterest? Truthfully, I can’t really put my finger on it. Perhaps it’s because I imagine the clientele will be so wanky, it’d be like being trapped inside an episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Or it could be because the crazy ballot system means that the Fat Duck 2.0 is booked out for the entirety of its existence. So why would I want something I know I can never have? I mean that’s just madness, like having a crush on a gay man or believing skinny jeans are in any way flattering.
Do any of you think the Duck has jumped the shark? Have you tried Heston’s snags or do you still prefer a cheese jaffle like me? Leave a comment below.