Should men’s undies have a used by date?

I’d like to ponder an issue that surely breakfast radio has run a segment on by now. (I mean if 53 footballers can have a ‘hilarious’ Brazillian while Matt Tilley pranks a 7-11, surely they have covered ‘Guys, when do you throw out your undies?’) If not, then why not?!

Now I hate to generalise but this is the internet and here is where generalisations are encouraged and subsequently turned into ‘facts’ so here’s what I have come to observe. I think men believe that their underwear drawer is like a very popular night club, it has a strict one in, one out policy. Ergo if new underwear appears by some Christmas miracle then some of the pairs that are being held together by threads and shredded elastic and willpower can be dropped out of the rotation. They’re never actually thrown out though are they? How bad do things really have to get before undies are actually bounced out?

Men’s underwear is expensive, I get that. I think it has something to do with their cheap hair cuts and eventual higher superannuation payouts but I have seen men get rid of cars more easily than they’ll part with a pair of their Reg Grundy’s. Why is this so? I wonder if there is some sort of emotional connection… that would explain the constant touching and ‘readjusting’ and the notion that there can be a ‘favourite’ pair of undies. I know!

Another thing I’ve have noticed is that there are strict underwear camps – you’re either a stretchy boxer short bloke or a jocks man or a old fashioned cotton boxer chap but there doesn’t seem to be any switching, once you’ve made your selection, it’s for life. Is this true? I have all the possible underwear options and alternate them depending on my mood or location of wearing. Bedazzled G string for Brownlows etc etc.

Now back to my original query, how long is too long? And how could you possibly carbon date them to  tell how long you’ve had them when they all look the same? Do you simply wait until there is a wardrobe malfunction and a pair disintegrates and turns to dust during a meeting and a few little pieces silently fall out the bottom of your pant leg?

I asked Google and apparently even WikiHow is in the dark on this one. So I ask you Hashitouters… and I look forward to your comments.






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