World Cup Cricket Opening Ceremony – live commentary

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This is Jeff Wortman signing off from the World Cup Cricket Opening Ceremony. Thanks for joining me folks. This tournament is impossible to predict but with the opening game between Australia and England fixtured for the 14th of February, one thing is for sure, there’s going to be a lot of disappointed women on Valentines Day.

0.6 Daryl Braithwaite to audience – OUT. There must be a finite number of time you can perform a song like ‘Horses’ before your voice packs it in. Daryl has reached that point. Betting agencies set to make a huge payout to punters who had the Horses/ Howzat quinella.

0.5 Tina Arena to audience – FOUR. It’s cost me some friendships but I still say Tina is the best contemporary female vocalist Australia has ever produced. Puts on a masterclass with ‘Sorrento Moon’ and ‘Chains’. I’m pretty sure she’s the reason the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra turned up tonight.

0.4 Nathaniel to audience – ONE RUN. Nathaniel plays his insanely funky ‘live louder’ but follows up with a loose cover of Raspberry Beret. Crowd are getting restless. An old woman behind me calls out ‘that’s enough’.

0.3 Jess Mauboy to audience – FOUR. Jess Mauboy times funk number ‘Can I get a moment’ to perfection. It’s true, all songs sound better when the performer is backed by a symphony orchestra but wow!

0.2 Giant cricketer to audience – SIX. A 25 foot puppet takes the stage and the crowd are transfixed. He looks like Optimus Prime but transforms into a Cricketer (unlike Shane Watson who started off as a cricketer and transformed into a hack).

0.1 Community groups to audience – NO RUN. Ceremony begins with the ‘not for broadcast’ part of the World Cup Cricket Opening Ceremony. Local dance groups, drummers and pop singers honour each participating country with the most cliched acts imaginable. Bollywood Dancing – India, Bagpipes – Scotland, Ballet – England. Essentially a ‘mini Eurovision’.

Hello everyone and welcome to live commentary of the World Cup Cricket Opening ceremony. A cosmopolitan crowd has gathered at the Myer Music Bowl on a mild summer night in Melbourne proving that there are still some countries in the world where one day cricket is relevant.

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